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Social Media: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships?

Recently, I read an article about the use of social media and how we can use it in a positive way.  Being a complete Facebook addict and nosy by nature, I’m always curious to see how people use this particular outlet to engage with one another.

The article I read dealt with friendships and how to make social media work for us.  Sadly, what I see are a lot of people using social media as a communication tool in relationships and it’s working against us.  The rants and on-goings I’ve seen on Facebook are astounding.

I’m not innocent.  I’ve vented.  I’ve thrown my frustration out on to Facebook.  My feeling is most of us do this because we are seeking support.  We hope that someone will take our side, commiserate, and back us up on whatever it is upsetting us.  We need someone to stand up and go “Hey!  I know how you feel and you are right!”  It’s only natural for us to want to turn to friends in time of need.  Unfortunately, there is a flip-side – the people who use social media as a way to get back at someone who has hurt them.  I’ve seen it many times.  Being honest, I must admit I’ve done this, as well.  These kind of posts are passive-aggressive and unhealthy, to say the least.  When we replace verbal communication with a Tweet or FB status, we hurt ourselves and ultimately further hurt the ones we love.

So what is the solution?  I’ve given it some thought.  I came up with talking.

So simple it’s mind-blowing, huh?

To share a personal experience:  my boyfriend and I encountered problems from venting on Facebook.  Big problems.  We found ourselves in this very weird place where we would be sitting in the same room, venting on Facebook, commenting to one another on Facebook yet not speaking one single word to one another.  WE WERE IN THE SAME ROOM.  It quickly became cause for concern.  What did we do?  We put down our cell phones and started talking.  It was not easy.  We had gotten so used to throwing it all out in a public forum that speaking personally to one another seemed a bit foreign.  You’ve heard how sometimes it’s easier to write how we feel instead of speaking about our feelings?  It’s true.  He and I are both this way.  We are writers and written words are what we relate to.

It was slow at first.  Attempting to talk seemed to lead to more frustration, interrupted sentences, fighting, sleeping in separate rooms, and still even more silence but this time without using Facebook because we made the agreement we’d not do that ever again.  So, no Facebook venting, no talking…let me tell you that things will bubble to the surface quickly and explode.  This is exactly what you do NOT want to happen.  Avoid it.  Take time to make rules for communication.  Rules are perfectly acceptable, even desired in any relationship worth working on.  Make that promise to NEVER use social media as a way to communicate with the one you love.  Promise to listen.  Promise to speak to one another only after you’ve both had time to calm down.  Understand that no relationship is perfect and there will be miscommunication at times.  That’s okay.  Work through it TOGETHER.

There is a very real and palpable emotional detachment when we use social media as a way to communicate.  Often our words are misleading and come across as colder than we intended.  If we are determined to keep relationships alive and healthy we need the emotion.  We need to feel the love, the compassion, the acceptance and we need to know we’re actually being heard.  Those things are basic human requirements and by removing them we’re setting ourselves up for pain and loneliness.

Take the time today and every day to TALK to the one you love.  You’ll be amazed at how much it is appreciated and simply blown away by how much better you both feel afterwards.  Trust me.

P.S.  I’m happy to report that boyfriend and I are good now.  It has taken us about a year to truly learn how to communicate with one another and it’s not perfect but we are definitely in a better place.  The hard work was totally worth it.

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Today We Remember…

Today We Remember….

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Trifecta Challenge: Black Wings

Went to a dark place with this particular Trifecta challenge.

CRAFT (noun)

1 :  skill in planning, making, or executing :  dexterity

2 a :  an occupation or trade requiring manual dexterity or artistic skill <the carpenter’s craft> <the craft of writing plays> <crafts such as pottery, carpentry, and sewing>

b plural :  articles made by craftspeople <a store selling crafts> <a crafts fair>

:  skill in deceiving to gain an end <used craft and guile to close the deal>

My entry…

Punishment swift and vengeful

Devious, evil

Pain unrelenting

It burns, scorches my soul

There is no forgiveness for me or for her

Her craft – perfected in Hell

Black wings enfold me

Forever burning

MysteriousAngel-373896-1

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A Ridiculous Limerick :)

**DISCLAIMER:  If you are religious or offend easily, you probably will not find this funny.  STOP READING NOW!**  

The other night Billy and I were sitting around watching TV and we hear a news clip about a rock that went through a woman’s windshield.  The newscaster then says something to the effect of “you’ll never believe what was on her dashboard that saved her life!”

Billy looked over at me and said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if she had a bobble-head Jesus on her dashboard and that is what saved her life?’

His comment made this happen in my head…

There once was a redneck named Bubba

Who didn’t have time for a wife

He crashed his truck while holding a knife

And bobble-head Jesus saved his life!

bobble-head-jesus1 (1)

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Happy Halloween!

Saw this artwork and felt inspired.

Have a safe and Happy Halloween!

Witches and faeries delight in the sound;

Ghosts and goblins all dance around!

‘Tis the evening for frightening song;

It’s a spooky party so please come along!

Halloween

Artwork credit:  Serenade by Ron Byrum

 

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Trifecta Challenge: A Short Poem

This latest Trifecta challenge intrigued me and the first thing I thought of was a monster in my toe.  The second thing I thought of was an evil entity in my cell phone that continually FORCES me to play Candy Crush.  He’s a real bastard, I tell ya.  I went with the asshole in my cell phone.

This week’s challenge:  It’s now time for some Trifextra fun. Thirty years ago, Roald Dahl published the book Dirty Beasts, a collection of poems for children about weird and wonderful animals. The last poem, however, is called The Tummy Beast about a boy who thinks there’s someone living in his belly. Your Trifextra challenge is to write 33 words on a beast in an unusual place. No swamps or forests or caves, we really want you to take your beast out of its comfort zone.

My entry & please forgive my corresponding photo.  It was the best I could come up with.

Oh! Mesmerizing Monster in my cell phone,

Why oh why won’t you leave me alone?

Candy crushing!  Crushing candy!  I can’t seem to quit!

Addicted I am and you give not one whit!

Cell Phone Poem

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Spiritshine :)

If you’ve followed my blog for awhile then you’ve likely read my story of abuse.

If not, that’s okay.  :)

The purpose of this blog is to share someone else’s story.

Having followed Aurora Morealist since the beginning of my blogging “career”, I can honestly say she is a remarkable woman.  Her journey is on-going as she struggles with the P.T.S.D. as a result of the abuse she suffered for so long.  Too long.  Way, way too long.

I admire her courage and strength in ways I can’t put into words.

Talk about an inspiration!  I love her to pieces!

She’s taken her journey a step further and written her first book, aptly titled SPIRITSHINE and believe me when I say her spirit absolutely shines!

A little about her book…

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not exclusive to survivors of war as Aurora shows readers in the poetic writings that saved her life. Relentless shock wars on her psyche since 2010 – deaths, betrayals, abuses – left her traumatized and alone with writing often her only companion. What she has learned thus far: Art saves lives. If you write, draw, craft, paint, stitch, make music, dance, sing, you have a life saver like no other. Holding fastly to her own savior of writing, Aurora writes what she can to emphasize this message: PTSD does NOT alter your character, personality or intelligence; it simply destroys your ability to cope. And it can happen to anyone. Anytime. Aurora’s real world resume is admirable with career achievements and writing awards as intact as her innate character and professional references. None of this matters any more. She may never be the same again and is finally at peace with this. While writing isn’t always possible for Aurora, or perhaps, possible to do well…writing is her anchor, her life line, her way forward. Won’t you join her as she writes the wrongs, soulfully healing herself in the hope of helping others – one word at a time – shining love, sharing boundaries and savoring nature in short verse that speaks to gratitude, loss and being human.

If you have been a victim of abuse or know someone who has, PLEASE consider buying her book.

You can get it here: SPIRITSHINE.

Her intent was to never make money from her story but to educate and inform those who’ve gone through the same nightmare.  She’s working to make it as cheap as possible!  There is a COUPON CODE for a $3 off an already crazy inexpensive price of $8.88.  The CODE:  MCTEVAJ2.

If you will SHARE the book, that is much appreciated as well!

Thank you, Friends & love to all of you!

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