Bringing Spam Mail to Life…

My mood today is being affected by the weather, which is rainy, cloudy, dark and dreary.  So in an attempt to lighten my mood and hopefully the moods of others who are experiencing this dreadful weather, I’ve decided to bring my spam mail to life. 

How I imagine my life if I actually accepted these bizarre offers…

Waking up in the morning and discovering I can cross off  from my to do list “plan menu” because low and behold I’ve just been given a lifetime of free lobster! 

What’s this?  In two minutes I will be $1000 richer!  Since I don’t have to grocery shop now thanks to free seafood I can go now a shopping spree!

Feeling guilty because I am still shaving my legs when apparently it just is not necessary because some doctor with a Luke Skywalker complex will remove all of the hair with some type of light saber device which will cost me $1000.  Damn.  There goes my shopping trip.

Concerned because someone somewhere is continually running a background check on me.  I’m beginning to get a bit paranoid and wondering if I should either find out who this stranger is and put a stop to it or start living a more interesting life so said stranger will have something more exciting to read. 

Oh wait a hot minute!   My shopping spree may be lost because of Dr. Skywalker but my meal dilemma has been solved!  I just received $100 worth of McDonald’s!  My daughter will be thrilled!

Mr. Mike is waiting on me to call him with my banking account information so he can send me payments immediately…whew!  Looks like that whole debacle with losing my $1000 has been resolved.  Thank God.  I was worried.

In the dating scene, it appears I’m about to get really lucky.  So many hot men just waiting on me to contact them and then apparently all my dreams of true romance will come true!  Gee, there are so many…how will I ever decide?

It’s possible I should not discuss with hot men that if I had a penis, it could be ten times it’s “normal” size making it much bigger than theirs if I took the deeply discounted, almost free little purple pills.  I’d hate to give any of them a complex.  I’d feel terrible.

See?  It helps to laugh as I imagine myself in these ridiculous situations!  Much more entertaining than watching it rain.

Have a good day folks and remember…if you need a laugh, imagine yourself at the mercy of Dr. Skywalker before you delete that spam!

Author: Lisa Summerlin

The Smoking Squirrel is my way of bringing happiness to the world. I firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine and sometimes we all need a negative-free zone. This is it. Enjoy!

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