The Dark and the Light…

I sit here in a darkened room, gripped with a fear so debilitating I can’t move.  I don’t know why I am here in this strange place.  This fear of the unknown is crippling, shattering my sanity…it is breaking my heart.

Veiled behind what appears to be cob webs, I see glimpses of my past.  I see images flash on the wall before me as if they are being shown to me by some unseen camera.  This camera refuses to show me the good that I know has existed in my life.  It seems to want to focus on the negative almost as if it wants to drown me in sorrow.  I know I must get up from my chair and run out of this room but I’m frozen as I begin to see myself age with every passing reflection.

There is no sound.  It is so quiet as to be deafening.  With a jolt I realize I’ve been called to this place in order to reconcile myself and accept my past.

I’m reminded of so many mistakes and choices I have come to regret.  My childhood, while happy, was sheltered.  I understand this now and I begin to remember teenage decisions that, looking back, I can see were wrong.  I see myself as a young adult appearing to be carefree and joyful yet I am aware of the hurt that is buried so deep within me.  I watch myself grow older and realize I am running out of time.

As if I were thrown out of my chair, I hit the floor.  I’m crying.  It feels so good to finally let out the tears that I’ve held back for so long and all of a sudden I realize I cannot stay here.  This is a prison with stone walls so thick they serve to keep me here forever if I do not find the power to set myself free.  This I can only do myself.

With renewed strength I pick myself up off the floor and I begin to run.  The room has turned into a tunnel.  There is a light at the end and that is my goal – to reach the light.  It is not a light that signifies a Holy place but one which symbolizes a new freedom.  There can be no more regret.  I’m aware that I can no longer allow my past to define who I am and my past surely cannot be allowed to dictate where I am going.

The faster I run, the freer I feel.  I sense that I’m surrounded by love and my tears of sadness at once become tears of joy.  The light is within my reach.  Today is a new day and every day is an opportunity for happiness.

I am awake now and know what must be done.

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