Woke up at 3 a.m…

Oh yea, love it when I wake up in the middle of the night.  Not.  I merely meant to go pee.  It was the cat claw stuck in my thigh that sort of jolted me awake.  Some people drink coffee, some folks get up and exercise…I get a razor sharp claw stuck in my leg.  Good times.

So I’m awake now.  Washed some dishes, going to clean out the litter box in a few minutes, need to mop the kitchen floor.  Remember in my blog post last night when I said it’ll be a take it easy kind of day?  I lied.  There’s laundry to be done, as well.  Want to cook a big dinner tonight, too.

Never ends.

I told my friend Mystery Coach who, if you’ve not checked out her blog yet you REALLY should, that I’d marinate on the whole Bret thing to be sure I wasn’t beating myself up over it and after having given that some consideration, I decided I’m not.  I don’t think I ever was – much.  For a minute, I did.  I felt like maybe I was being selfish about this whole being ignored thing and maybe it was actually me inflating my ego instead of him inflating his.  I’ve decided it’s perfectly normal to want to be heard.  Who doesn’t want to be acknowledged?  I don’t mean in a “gotta be in the spotlight all the time” kind of way but in a “I just said something so please listen” kind of way.  It’s honestly not too much to ask.  So…I was right and he was wrong.  The end.  He called yesterday.  This was after he sent this text:  Might still be interested in getting to know you but you keep deciding I’m awful and explaining my awfulness in itemized lists.

Really?  I’d give anything if I’d saved the “lists” I’d sent him.  Had I saved them, I’d be sharing them w/ you now.  There was no list.  There was a plea to be heard.  Period.  MIGHT be interested in getting to know me?  PASS AGAIN.  Don’t do me any favors man.  I’m good.  I’m real good.  In fact, I am pretty damn proud of myself for ending this mess before it got good and started.  Better now than later so kudos to me for recognizing his “awfulness” early.  That kind of thing usually takes me years.

In other news…

Last night, we’re in the grocery store and my Mom is looking at this one cup coffee maker deal.  I asked her if it was something I could keep in my room thereby avoiding having to actually get out of bed to make my first cup of coffee in the morning (ALWAYS looking for that extra step in my laziness program).  She tells me that it requires hot water.  Seems it’s not an electric thing and honestly I’m unsure of how it works exactly.  Anyway, Em said, “Well, you could put the hot water in before you went to bed…” and she trailed off.  Swear to you I heard that loud “ERRRRRRR!” brake sound come out of her brain.  “No dear,” I explained, “if I put it in at night it’ll be cold in the morning.”  She replies with, “I swear you’d better not tell anyone I said that.”  Oh yea…going in a blog and probably on Facebook too.

These things make my eye twitch:

And…

Now, back to work.  Won’t stress today.  Will just do what I can, be grateful for what got done and relax.  I think today I won’t over-think.  Maybe.  I’ll have to think about that.

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4 thoughts on “Woke up at 3 a.m…

  1. He put it on you again to make you feel bad by saying you have “lists” … It’s like he’s doing you a favor of some kind saying he’d still like to get to know you. The thing is, with anyone in our life … it’s supposed to be mutual and you said it’s not about attention all the time either. And it’s about reciprocity… You “decided” he’s awful because HE IS awful…

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