All In A Day’s Whine…

I was so excited when I checked my mail this morning.  Today I received an invitation from The Hobbler inviting me to her Pity Party!

Although, she got my address wrong.  It’s 1234 Cry Baby Lane not 1234 Cry Baby Street.  Man, I couldn’t believe she got my address wrong.  I’ve lived here in Bratville, Georgia my whole life.  Nobody ever gets my address right.  I swear.  She probably didn’t even mean for the invitation to go to me.  She probably meant it for some other girl named Lisa Whiner.

How much worse can my life get???

I’m unemployed, broke and forever alone.

My boobs are dangerously close to the floor and there is some music out there that I classify as just “NOISE” which means I’m becoming my parents.

My dog died, my cat doesn’t love me anymore and even my goldfish jumped the bowl and I know he did it just to die and get away from me. Or it could’ve been a she.  I guess I’ll never know now, will I?

My friends are all too busy to hang out because they have real lives and I don’t or they live too far away and I’m sure they all moved just to get away from me.

I have writer’s block AGAIN.  This is like the gaillionth time this week I’ve sat down to write and NOTHING.

I broke a nail.

My back hurts.

I’ve got a hernia the size of Texas.

My feet are ugly.

I have bad hair and it’s turning gray.

I’m hot and it’s way too humid to go outside to do anything and even if I did go outside what would I do? I’d probably have to get in the car which means wearing a seat belt and GOD!  Those things are so annoying!

I can’t sleep and even when I do sleep I just have bad dreams which I’d love to remember because sometimes I can turn them into stories but mostly I just forget them which leads to more writer’s block.

I’d go back to bed but know I won’t get comfortable then I’ll just lay there and toss and turn and THAT drives me crazy.

I drive my ownself crazy.  I’m making myself crazy now and I can’t stop but even if I did stop what else would I do?

I’m bored.

Life is so unfair.

Screw it.  I think I’ll go back to bed anyway.

Author: Lisa Summerlin

The Smoking Squirrel is my way of bringing happiness to the world. I firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine and sometimes we all need a negative-free zone. This is it. Enjoy!

14 thoughts on “All In A Day’s Whine…”

  1. That is so funny Lisa…I mean…Im so sorry. I hope writing it cleared your writers block! If it didn’t, don’t worry, the pity party is going all weekend, even on Monday, so feel free to whine again.

    Oh yeah, I definitely meant to invite you. Sorry about the address. 😉


  2. Great pity party. Listen don’t worry about your boobs. Just tuck them in your panties and you’ll be all good. The only problem I see with this is it will not help with the animal suicide, death, and hating you..with the dragging the floor they become pet toys. You can call them nipple nibblers.

    I know your friends are too busy for you BECAUSE you have writers block. Here’s what you do. Write every day and tell all their dirty secrets. I bet they contact you then.

    For the sleeping you should read my post, out wit yourself it is the picture on the left sidebar with the clown saying go to sleep. It will help you. Trust me. I (seriously) wrote that after more than 24 hours and now sleep. It might help your your nail grow…but you might want to keep it short to have and easier time pushing your Texas hernia back in.

    Now about those fugly feet…you really shouldn’t be worrying about the grey toe hair. I suggest you wax it and market it to the Grey Toe Hair fetish society. I bet they will pay big bucks for it.



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