Eee – I – Eee – I…WHAT?!

Francis Marcus loved his beer.

He also loved his goat, Bob.

Bob the goat loved Francis Marcus and the beer.

But when you mix a man, a goat and beer bad things can happen.  Bad, entertaining things.

911:  “What’s your emergency?”

FRANCIS MARCUS’ GIRLFRIEND:  “Yes, my boyfriend is in the backyard with the goat and things are getting pretty ugly out there.  I’m not sure what to do.”

911:  “What’s his name ma’am?”

FMG:  “Bob.  Bob the goat.”

911:  “Um, no ma’am.  I meant your boyfriend.  What is your boyfriend’s name?”

FMG:  “Oh.  His name is Francis Marcus.”

911:  “Is that his full name?”

FMG:  “Well no.  His last name is Willis.  The goat doesn’t have a last name.”

911:  “Uh, okay.  So your boyfriend’s full name is Francis Marcus Willis?”

FMG:  “That is correct.”

911:  “What is your name ma’am?”

FMG:  “My name is Alice Ellis.  I really need help here.  I’m pretty sure the goat just slapped my boyfriend in the face.”

911:  (Audible sigh)  “Um, yes ma’am.  Can you tell me what happened?”

FMG:  “Well, they were just chilling out in the backyard having a few beers.  Oh wow…Bob just rammed Francis Marcus in the butt.  Man.  This is bad.  I didn’t know Francis Marcus could flip that high in the air.”

911:  “Ma’am, are you telling me that both your boyfriend and the goat were drinking beer?

FMG:  “Yes.  Bob gets a bit grouchy if he doesn’t have a couple of beers in the evening.  Oh well, so does Francis Marcus.  They can be so rambunctious sometimes.”

911:  (Distinct laughter in the background)  “Ma’am, are YOU drinking?”

FMG:  “I assure you I’m not!”

911:  “Ok, then continue…what happened after they started drinking beer?”

FMG:  “They had an argument.  It was an argument over a football game.”

911:  “Your boyfriend argued with the goat over a football game?”

FMG:  “Yes.  Francis Marcus made a comment about a bad call one of the referees made.  Bob got upset and kicked Francis Marcus.  They love their football!  After that, they started wrestling.  At first I thought they were kidding but they seem very angry with each other right now.  I’m not sure I can break up the fight.”

911:  “It’s probably not safe for you to approach an angry goat in the middle of a argument.”

FMG:  “Yea, that’s what I thought.  Can you help me?  Francis Marcus has Bob in a headlock now.”

911:  “Ma’am, I can’t really send a unit to your home to break up a goat fight.  Do you have a water hose?”

FMG:  “Yes.  Should I spray them?”

911:  “That’s what I would suggest.  I’ll hold while you do that.  Please come back to the phone and let me know if it worked.”

FMG:  “I’ll try that.  Be right back!”

At this point, there is a lot of indistinguishable yelling and bleating going on in the background.

Then all of the sudden…SILENCE.

FMG:  “Ok, I’m back.  It worked.  They are soaking wet and rolling around on the ground laughing now.”

911:  “Good.  Ma’am, I suggest you make sure Francis Marcus and Bob don’t drink anymore this evening.  In fact, you might want to separate them for the remainder of the night.”

FMG:  “That a good idea.  I’ll try.  Hard to keep them away from each other though but I will try.”

911:  “If everything is okay now I need to disconnect this call.”

FMG:  “Everything seems fine.  They are still rolling around on the ground and I think they just high-fived each other.  Goodbye.”


Author: Lisa Summerlin

The Smoking Squirrel is my way of bringing happiness to the world. I firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine and sometimes we all need a negative-free zone. This is it. Enjoy!

7 thoughts on “Eee – I – Eee – I…WHAT?!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Little Fears

Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes

The Phoblography

A Post a Day May 2019 - May 2020 / All pictures posted are taken by Dave Bignell

Haiku Horizons

A Haiku prompt/meme site

Authentic ZZ TOP Tribute Band | with real beards | sharp dressed clothes | ZZ's stage moves | and first class musicianship | Electronic Press Kit (EPK)


A newly developed way to shine light on social issues in our ever changing world

Ms Eclectica's Blog

Esoterically eclectic ephemera

Who's That Chelle

Consistent At Being Inconsistent!


My Adventures and some giggles

Talkin' Shit

A little bit of everything, from a man that knows nothing


Your Daily Dose of Dumbassery


Writing in the corner (of my cluttered mind)

The She Chronicles

A Blog for the Alcoholic & Bipolar Minds


Crazy is relative. Just ask my relatives. And music!

Oh Jenni

"A soft place to land in a hard world."

Things I Think I Thunk, pt. l

The Ramblings of a Somewhat Unstable Mind

You've Been Hooked!

Observations from the trenches....

--- Grumpy Comments ---


Stuff My Brain Thinks

Spiritual Journey to a Better me

Running Naked With Scissors

slightly cracked observations and unsolicited advice on bending the rules and being yourself...and butterflies

Xanax or Running Shoes?

LIFE... It's All About the Journey

%d bloggers like this: