So, I wake up at 6 a.m. on a Sunday. Not so uncommon for me to wake up early on any given day because I don’t sleep well and at some point I decide the whole fighting to go back to sleep just isn’t worth it anymore. It’s easier to wake up, make coffee and pretend I’m happy to be awake at the ass crack of dawn. Actually, it’s not so much pretending. I’m mostly glad when I wake up early because I like this time of day. I’m also happy I woke up as I appreciate breathing and being alive and all.
We’ll be starting a new year in a couple of days. I’m ready. I’m SO ready for a new year. Never one to make resolutions with the start of a new year, I believe this year I might make a couple. Kind of. I don’t want to call them resolutions. I don’t like that word. It puts all kinds of pressure on us and pressure is never good. The more pressure we put on ourselves, the less likely we are to be able to go with the flow, to relax, to just be in the moment. Resolutions hang over our heads like a dark thunder-cloud, taunting us and at the end of the year we just look back and realize we didn’t do the things we resolved to do and then we suffer all kinds of guilt. Guilt. Who needs that shit?
Anyway, I digress.
I had this Moment of Clarity as I was making my coffee. Being the world’s leading procrastinator (this is a title I’ve given myself as I feel if procrastination were an Olympic event, I’d have won the gold medal 10 times over), it occurs to me how much time I waste wasting time. It’s ridiculous to the point where I get on my own nerves. I actually get bored finding ways to waste time and honestly, how stupid is that? It’s pretty damn stupid, I tell ya. There are a ton of things I want to do around the house. Well maybe not a ton, but a lot of projects I want to tackle. So…what is this epiphany you ask? Okay you probably didn’t ask but what I’ve decided to do is treat every day like a working day. An 8 – 9 hour working day. I’m not going to set the alarm (probably) and whatever time my brain decides to wake up, then from that moment and for the next 8 – 9 hours worth of moments, I’ll stay busy. I’ll make a to do list for each day. I’m a list kind of person. I have lists for my lists. I do well with that and need to get back in the habit of making them. Those things on my daily to do list I will accomplish. Or at the very least make an effort to accomplish them and for the love of all that is holy, I’ll stop wasting time trying to find ways to waste my time. However, if I do find myself wasting time I won’t go out of my way to mentally beat myself up over it as I have been.
No more beating myself up in my head for the stupid shit I’ve done and sometimes continue to do. That would be pseudo-resolution #2. No more not liking myself. No more stopping myself from being happy and for whatever reason, I do this. Things will be going well and at some point I decide I don’t deserve happy so I throw a monkey wrench in to the mix and screw things up. Can’t even begin to explain why I do this so don’t ask but no more. I WANT to be content. I WILL be content. If I do something stupid (and I will) and the moment comes when I realize what I’ve done (the bonus here is I actually do realize when I’ve done a stupid thing and if I don’t get it I have friends who are kind enough to tell me) then I’ll reflect on it, learn from it and move on.
#3 on my list of non-resolutions (see? list person) is I will take care of things I’ve been not taking care of such as my divorce. Dear Lord! That has GOT to be done. I can’t stay legally married to that jackass any longer. Talk about a damn dark cloud. Jeez! This is a big one. The biggest one. I need this OVER. I don’t know how I’ll do it but it will be done. I’ve got some tax issues to deal with and a couple of other things I’ve ignored. All will be dealt with. Yea. ALL of it.
Last on my list is writing. If I don’t get these ideas out of my head and on to paper, it’s probable my brain will explode and that will just lead to a mess and I hate a mess.
What will you be doing in 2013? Any changes you wish to make? Any new projects? Is there anything hanging over your head that you wish to change?
Oh yea! I also just passed my one year blogiversary! Yay!
This is OUR YEAR! Let’s do this! Let’s make 2013 our bitch!