Another Top 10: Getting Older

Getting older is, for me, a love/hate kind of thing.  Am I grateful to be well out of my teens and not living that hormonal nightmare?  Yes.  I absolutely love the fact I survived all of the incredibly stupid things I did when I was young.  And by stupid I mean OH MY GOD I WAS AN IDIOT & CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ALIVE.  If I think back on it all too much, I give my own self the willies so – fast forward…

Am I thrilled about actually getting older?  Not so much.  I mean it’s not like I’m going to get all flippy, go out and have tons of plastic surgery or become a Cougar (although the possibility of having a relationship  having sex with a much younger man has crossed my mind).   I’m okay with me – the way I look, the fact I’m not skinny, the few wrinkles I’ve acquired and I’m even okay with the ONE gray eyebrow hair I found yesterday.   I’m okay being 44.

What I don’t love are the things that happen as we get older.  Like gravity failing me and the real fear of getting out of bed one morning and stepping on my boobs because they’ve finally hit the ground.  I am NOT loving this whole Road to Menopause deal.  It’s a whole new hormonal stage in my life that is worse than…well, I don’t know what.  Just trust me.  It’s bad.  I don’t love feeling tired all the time and the lack of sleep.

To summarize (and let’s face it, I could’ve just written this and skipped all of that other crap I wrote) I LOVE me but I HATE the things that change as I get older.

The following may or may not apply to me.  I see no reason to confess EVERYTHING.  A little mystery is good!

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU’RE GETTING OLDER (in no particular order of significance):

10.  You’ve walked into a room numerous times for a reason that consistently escapes you.

9.  You find yourself answering questions with “because I said so” more than you ever thought you would.

8.  You have pain on top of pain and the parts of you that don’t hurt don’t work anymore.

7.  While bent over, you double-check to make sure there’s nothing else you can take care of while you’re already bent.

6.  You remember when gas was 75 cents a gallon.

5.  What used to be one or two stray gray hairs have now become all over your head “highlights” and you’re amazed at how much the light in the bathroom reflects off the silver in your hair.

4.  You get super excited when plans fall through and you get to stay home.

3.  On the passenger side of the bed you keep a neat pile of things that you might need during the night  just to keep from having to get up.

2.  You realize that neat pile you’re keeping on the passenger side of the bed is a waste of time because you’re going to get up to pee during the night about 10 times anyway.

1.  You were actually happy the year you got a lawnmower for your birthday.

Even though I’m just a few months away from turning 45 and things may be changing, I’m still spunky.  I’ll still bust out in dance or song or both for no reason whatsoever – most often in public.  I still laugh a whole lot.  I still have a warped sense of humor.  I still love heavy metal and probably I’ll always be a little bit of trouble just waiting to happen.


Author: Lisa Summerlin

The Smoking Squirrel is my way of bringing happiness to the world. I firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine and sometimes we all need a negative-free zone. This is it. Enjoy!

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