Earlier today, my Mom and I cleaned my daughter’s room. As I was going through her dresser, organizing and getting rid of clothes she no longer can wear, I came across one of F’s t-shirts.
I had a moment. A sad one.
F and I are completely over now. It ended badly and there is no hope of reconciliation. There is no hope of even maintaining any kind of friendship. I saw the t-shirt and for a brief moment I questioned myself and what I’ve done. Was it right to break things off? Should I try to call him?
The answers: YES, I did the right thing and NO, I should not call.
At the end of that brief moment of sadness I realized how very right I was to end that relationship. I know that I can’t go through the fighting, the drinking, the emotional abuse anymore. I can’t endure any longer his Jekyll/Hyde routine and never knowing which one I’d get at any given moment. It was a minute to minute kind of stress. He could turn on me fast. No more getting blind-sided. No more getting blamed for things I wasn’t doing but he, in fact, was. This is the end of his projecting his behavior on me.
Sad moments are inevitable. I’ve struggled with this break-up for a year. Have wanted it to happen and never before had the strength to get through. I’d call it all off then go back. I did this countless times and every single time I did it, regret followed.
This time is different. This time it is for real. This time I feel great about my decision. This time I absolutely feel strong enough to get past those inevitable sad moments without caving in and without regret.
I don’t wish any ill will towards F. He has his demons. They are his and he has to fight them or not. His choice. I hope that someday he can find happiness and peace. I wish him all the best.
As for me, it’s time I allow myself to be HAPPY. New year, new beginnings. Right?