I Had a Moment…

Earlier today, my Mom and I cleaned my daughter’s room.  As I was going through her dresser, organizing and getting rid of clothes she no longer can wear, I came across one of F’s t-shirts.

I had a moment.  A sad one.

F and I are completely over now.  It ended badly and there is no hope of reconciliation.  There is no hope of even maintaining any kind of friendship.  I saw the t-shirt and for a brief moment I questioned myself and what I’ve done.  Was it right to break things off?  Should I try to call him?

The answers:  YES, I did the right thing and NO, I should not call.

At the end of that brief moment of sadness I realized how very right I was to end that relationship.    I know that I can’t go through the fighting, the drinking, the emotional abuse anymore.  I can’t endure any longer his Jekyll/Hyde routine and never knowing which one I’d get at any given moment.  It was a minute to minute kind of stress.  He could turn on me fast.  No more getting blind-sided.  No more getting blamed for things I wasn’t doing but he, in fact, was.  This is the end of his projecting his behavior on me.

Sad moments are inevitable.  I’ve struggled with this break-up for a year.  Have wanted it to happen and never before had the strength to get through.  I’d call it all off then go back.  I did this countless times and every single time I did it, regret followed.

This time is different.  This time it is for real.  This time I feel great about my decision.  This time I absolutely feel strong enough to get past those inevitable sad moments without caving in and without regret.

I don’t wish any ill will towards F.  He has his demons.  They are his and he has to fight them or not.  His choice.  I hope that someday he can find happiness and peace.  I wish him all the best.

As for me, it’s time I allow myself to be HAPPY.  New year, new beginnings.  Right?

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18 thoughts on “I Had a Moment…

  1. I am so ..bursting with proud of yous and …and.. encouragement… stay.out. Here’s to your happiness and a full and wonderful life, he didn; make it better he limited it…all things you already know I guess but – if you feel shaky.. read what you wrote and the comments – you deserve to be loved not toyed with.. ❤

  2. Stay strong because if it was wrong it won’t get better. My marriage was wrong 32 years. Still married 35 now going into 36 but I am certain I should have left in year 20-22. Just couldn’t do it. I still have those sad moments wrenching on my psyche when I happen over things that remind me of the wisps of happiness, some that were, some that never were but it’s all hurtful. It’s a process. Just let yourself go with it, at least that’s what works for me. Feeling and processing, breathing and writing are all I know to do anymore. Much love xo

    • The thing about my relationship with F is that I knew it should’ve been over almost right after it began. I just kept hanging on, hoping things would change and not realizing how serious his alcohol addiction really was. I’m finally okay with moving on for good. Took me awhile to get here but I’m definitely going with it. Thanks so much for your support. It means a lot to me. xoxo

  3. Yay for you! I’ve read your struggles with F and I know it wasn’t easy for you to make the final ending, well, final. You have come a long way and 2013 is the start of good things to come! Happy New Year to a Happier New You! 🙂

  4. You don’t need a Jeckyl/Hyde in your life, (none of us do), so I back your decision 100%. You made the right choice and you will be happier for it in 2013 🙂

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