It is so interesting to me that I attract a certain type of man. The type who simply can’t take responsibility for their actions or words. I’ve just been told that I’ve projected the following: contempt, judgement and condemnation. This because I asked this person to please explain something to me directly (I was confused by his message) and without using the words “donkey balls (those came up a lot in the confusing message).
I must say this is not the first time I’ve heard this from a man. For quite some time it’s bothered me until I had that all-powerful Moment of Clarity. The men who’ve said this to me or variations of those things are all the same in that they do not have the ability to see what they have done or said wrong. They don’t have the ability to communicate in a direct manner. They say hurtful things. Their actions are not pleasant but somehow in the end, if I am truthful about how I feel, I become the bad guy. The contempt-filled, judgmental, condemning bad guy. F. used to accuse me of attempting to control him if I asked him for a direct answer. Control him? Because I wanted honesty and non of that bullshit double talk?
Yo. Not ME with the problem, guys.
You’d probably all be shocked at the amount of thought I hold back. If you think I’m bad now be glad I don’t tell EVERYTHING.
There’s a good chance I’ll spend the next 15 years of my life psycho-analyzing this but for the moment it’s almost laughable. I mean I haven’t always laughed at it but now that I see that all men who’ve accused me of this all have the EXACT same problem – bad communicators with bad attitudes…it’s a bit funny that I didn’t see it before now.
For now, I’ll just go with this: I won’t apologize anymore for who I am. Who am I? I’m an honest, outspoken person who’s not afraid to tell you the truth about how I feel. If I’ve hurt you and I’m aware of it, I’m more than willing to apologize but I’ll only do it once. Don’t expect me to spend day after day apologizing. It won’t happen.
Why are men so damn afraid of the truth??
MORAL OF THE STORY: I am a bad, bad man picker. Time for a change!