Dear Man I Wish I Could Afford to Divorce,
Now that I no longer wish to kill you, I’d like to take a moment to thank you for two very important things.
1. Leaving. Granted, I was bitter in the beginning but now I see it is the best thing that could have ever happened. I am having a blast raising our child and it turns out my Mom and best friend make better co-parents than you.
2. Hugs. I had a Moment of Clarity yesterday where I realized how throughout our marriage you never failed to hug me daily. Even if we weren’t getting along, you hugged me. It meant something.
The Woman Who REALLY Wishes We Were Legally Divorced
It’s true. During my marriage to Rick, he always made time to hug me in the morning and at night. I’ve realized lately how much I miss that kind of connection. Not from him but in general.
I get hugs from my kid, my Mom, my Daddy and other family. My best friend hugs me every time I see her. If I’m feeling down, my online friends are quick with a cyber hug. All of those hugs are important to me!
The kind of hug I’m talking about though is the one you get from a partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, special person in your life – whatever you want to call this person. I miss this more than I can say.
Various definitions of hugs include: form of nonverbal form of communication; universal form of physical intimacy; indication of familiarity, love, affection, friendship or sympathy; a demonstration of affection and emotional warmth.
Hugs have health benefits, as well. According to ThirdAge.com:
Studies show that folks who are regularly hugged by their close friends and family have reduced heart rates, lower blood pressure, increased nerve activity and more upbeat moods. A survey of successful marriages even showed that hugging and touching (not sexual intercourse), were the key factors in keeping the relationship long-lasting.
A recent Canadian study shows that an affectionate cuddle is more beneficial in bringing up positive emotions and improving our frame mind than regularly visiting the church. Another study showed that people who got regular hugs were twice as likely to describe their mental health as first rate.
Based on how I’ve felt this past year, I’m inclined to believe all of this as fact.
I believe a lack of physical intimacy (not sex but the rest of it) is playing a big factor in my increased anxiety levels which, by the way, are through the damn roof and very close to out of my control.
On the flip side, I’ve been so used to being alone that I’m at a point where I’m afraid to let anyone get close. This presents a problem as currently there is a man I am very interested in and I feel he is truly interested in me. I’m pushing him away when all I want to do is pull him closer. For a hug.
So fingers crossed, okay? I need to get past this ridiculous yet real fear of allowing myself to be hugged again.