Am I Wearing the Wrong Costume? Could it Really be THAT simple?

Feeling a bit unsettled.  I think that is the word I’m looking for.

Lately, I’ve dealt with a lot of anxiety.  For awhile it had subsided somewhat and I’d gotten to a place where I barely noticed it but the past couple of weeks?  WOWZA.  It’s had me by my non-existent kahunas.  It’s not been crippling like in the past but it’s been weird.  Just weird.

I’ve blogged about my anxiety issues before so I won’t beat a dead horse.  Well no.  I don’t like that.  Beat a dead horse.  WTF?  Who came up with that shit anyway?  Why would anyone beat a dead horse?  That is horrible.  I don’t know why anyone would hurt an animal.  I read yesterday where someone had dumped a blind and deaf dog in a river.  People are hateful.  Lucy would never do that.  Right now she’s working with Little Ricky’s dog Fred to teach him to roll over.  Which is funny.  Lucy is so great.  Old TV is the best.

OR IS MY PROBLEM JUST AN INABILITY TO FOCUS???

My point here is I’m all over the place and I can’t get settled.  There is too much going on in my head.  I start one writing project, don’t finish it, move to another one, don’t finish THAT one, move to another one.

Part of my problem is I have to sit on my bed to work and it’s incredibly uncomfortable.  I want OFF this bed and into something that resembles a grown-up work space.  My thought was I’d knock out my closet which is tiny and mostly worthless and create a small office space in my bedroom.  I don’t have the money to do this right now (I’ll have to paint and do some work on the walls) so that’s out.

Because I’m currently unemployed, I spend a lot of time in my pj’s.  Before you scoff, I’ve got cute pj’s.  I have a pj fetish in the worst way.  If someone gave me $1,000 right now the first thing I’d do is buy a new pair of jams.  (Oh hey!  There’s an idea!  Can someone do that please??)  I often buy the kind that almost don’t look like jammies.  I refer to these as “lounge wear.”  It’s my way of removing the “just damn, I’m too lazy to get dressed” mentality so I feel less guilty about it.  I mean I get up, brush my teeth, bathe…you know all that hygiene stuff.  I’m not disgusting.  But I do love my pj’s.  So it hit me yesterday that maybe if I’d get dressed I’d feel more productive and that maybe not being fully dressed is what’s stopping me from getting anything finished.

I quickly dismissed that and decided that I’ll be the Hugh Hefner of the Writing World.  Minus the girls, the parties, the money, the porn and that killer mansion.  Ok.  Minus the girls.  If I’m being honest here the rest of that stuff doesn’t sound so bad.  Anyway…

I’m really writing this blog because I’m hoping for advice from all of you.  How do you get and STAY motivated?  Are there any ideas or tricks you use to keep you on task?  What about time management?  Do you treat writing like an 8 – 5 job?  What system do you use to get writing projects finished?  Where do you write?  Do you want to come help me knock down this closet and fix my office space?  Can you bring paint?  A paint brush?  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!!!

I don’t know what to do.  I’ve got a publisher who wants to work with me and I’ve got nothing to publish.  I’m getting bummed out.

Story of a Sleepy Dork

I’ve had little sleep and I can tell. I’m goofy.

This morning around 4 a.m. I decided to go get cigarettes. While walking to the car I ran into a spider web. A big one. Like, if this spider were trying to make room for a gazillion other spiders there would have been plenty of room. I totally went all badass ninja, too. I HATE SPIDERS.

Came home, walked in the door, tripped over a cat.

After THAT, I was taking off my dress to put my jammies on & managed to fall over my bed and on to the floor.

After THAT I mopped the bathroom floor.

After THAT I decided to make spaghetti sauce.

At some point during all of my activity I decided this: ya know that girl in the Temptations commercial that laughs after the dude says he’s wearing cats instead of boots? I want to duct tape her to a hand truck & push her down a ravine.

Happy Thursday!!

Give the Sponge a Break, Man…

Sometimes blogs just write themselves, ya know?

I’m sitting here (it’s Sunday, by the way) and wondering what I might blog about tomorrow.  Then it hits me – I’ll blog about Satan.

More specifically, Beezlebob Hellpants.

Or Spongebob Devilpants.

Or Spongebeast Squarehell.

Or Satanbob Fatherofliespants. (That’s Father of Lies NOT Father ‘o Flies)

I could go on, probably forever, but you get the gist.

Where did all of this come from, you ask?  Ok, you didn’t ask but I’m going to tell you anyway.

From here:

People, I know crazy when I see it and THIS is crazy.

IT’S A CARTOON and a rather silly one at that, he’s a just a sponge.  A goofy little sponge who hangs out in a pineapple and makes Crabby Patties for a livin’.  Don’t be hatin’ on the sponge.  Just don’t.

I LOVE SPONGEBOB.

And that’s why this makes me sad.  This woman fell on him and killed him.

However, The Great Spongebob Controversy brought back fond memories of Jerry Falwell and his Teletubby Tyranny.  Remember that?  This guy will refresh your memory.

Bucket List: Inspired by Hotspur…

If you’ve not read Edward Hotspur’s blog then you’re making a mistake.  Go.  Check him out now.  He’s damn brilliant.  I just came across his Bucket List blog and started thinking…what might my own bucket list look like?

So here it is:

BUCKET LIST

Invent a “punch you in the balls” feature for Facebook – it really is necessary.

Invent a Way Back machine because I’d like to go way back to the day before my husband walked out and break his legs.  He could still leave.  It’s just I would’ve felt better had he left in some pain.

Find whoever invented the words “swag” and “YOLO” and hurt them…badly.

Hunt down Snooki and slap her face to the back of her head.

Gee, I’m beginning to see a pattern here…

Take an Anger Management course and actually pass it.

Let’s pretend I took the course and I succeeded…

Invest money wisely to provide a safety net for my kid when she gets older.

Visit England (and then never come back which makes this more of a move than an actual visit).

Move to England (there, I got it right that time).

Finish one damn story I’ve started.  Just one and I’ll be happy.  Or two.  Probably three finished stories and I’d actually be happy.

Get published.

Pay back every single dime I’ve ever gotten from my Mom and Daddy (yea…rub a lamp, right?).

Win the lottery which I’ll need to do in order to pay my parents back & it’ll definitely have to be a substantial win.  None of that scratch-off ticket crap.

Open a shelter for abused women/children.

Open a sports bar.

Have a real and lasting relationship with the right guy.

Master cake decorating.

Start my own business.  I have no idea what kind of business but something.

Learn stellar time management skills.  I suck at this in a big huge way.

Those are in no particular order at all.  Just what came to me as I was writing.  Unless my subconsciousness has some kind of order in which case I don’t know what to tell you other than my sub’s priorities are clearly out of whack.  In my head, it’d definitely be kid and parents first then everything else.

Happy Labor Day weekend ya’ll!  Hope it’s a great one!

P.S.  I’ll think of several more things to add to this blog after I hit publish.  I always do.

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