Bucket List: Inspired by Hotspur…

If you’ve not read Edward Hotspur’s blog then you’re making a mistake.  Go.  Check him out now.  He’s damn brilliant.  I just came across his Bucket List blog and started thinking…what might my own bucket list look like?

So here it is:

BUCKET LIST

Invent a “punch you in the balls” feature for Facebook – it really is necessary.

Invent a Way Back machine because I’d like to go way back to the day before my husband walked out and break his legs.  He could still leave.  It’s just I would’ve felt better had he left in some pain.

Find whoever invented the words “swag” and “YOLO” and hurt them…badly.

Hunt down Snooki and slap her face to the back of her head.

Gee, I’m beginning to see a pattern here…

Take an Anger Management course and actually pass it.

Let’s pretend I took the course and I succeeded…

Invest money wisely to provide a safety net for my kid when she gets older.

Visit England (and then never come back which makes this more of a move than an actual visit).

Move to England (there, I got it right that time).

Finish one damn story I’ve started.  Just one and I’ll be happy.  Or two.  Probably three finished stories and I’d actually be happy.

Get published.

Pay back every single dime I’ve ever gotten from my Mom and Daddy (yea…rub a lamp, right?).

Win the lottery which I’ll need to do in order to pay my parents back & it’ll definitely have to be a substantial win.  None of that scratch-off ticket crap.

Open a shelter for abused women/children.

Open a sports bar.

Have a real and lasting relationship with the right guy.

Master cake decorating.

Start my own business.  I have no idea what kind of business but something.

Learn stellar time management skills.  I suck at this in a big huge way.

Those are in no particular order at all.  Just what came to me as I was writing.  Unless my subconsciousness has some kind of order in which case I don’t know what to tell you other than my sub’s priorities are clearly out of whack.  In my head, it’d definitely be kid and parents first then everything else.

Happy Labor Day weekend ya’ll!  Hope it’s a great one!

P.S.  I’ll think of several more things to add to this blog after I hit publish.  I always do.

All In A Day’s Whine…

I was so excited when I checked my mail this morning.  Today I received an invitation from The Hobbler inviting me to her Pity Party!

Although, she got my address wrong.  It’s 1234 Cry Baby Lane not 1234 Cry Baby Street.  Man, I couldn’t believe she got my address wrong.  I’ve lived here in Bratville, Georgia my whole life.  Nobody ever gets my address right.  I swear.  She probably didn’t even mean for the invitation to go to me.  She probably meant it for some other girl named Lisa Whiner.

How much worse can my life get???

I’m unemployed, broke and forever alone.

My boobs are dangerously close to the floor and there is some music out there that I classify as just “NOISE” which means I’m becoming my parents.

My dog died, my cat doesn’t love me anymore and even my goldfish jumped the bowl and I know he did it just to die and get away from me. Or it could’ve been a she.  I guess I’ll never know now, will I?

My friends are all too busy to hang out because they have real lives and I don’t or they live too far away and I’m sure they all moved just to get away from me.

I have writer’s block AGAIN.  This is like the gaillionth time this week I’ve sat down to write and NOTHING.

I broke a nail.

My back hurts.

I’ve got a hernia the size of Texas.

My feet are ugly.

I have bad hair and it’s turning gray.

I’m hot and it’s way too humid to go outside to do anything and even if I did go outside what would I do? I’d probably have to get in the car which means wearing a seat belt and GOD!  Those things are so annoying!

I can’t sleep and even when I do sleep I just have bad dreams which I’d love to remember because sometimes I can turn them into stories but mostly I just forget them which leads to more writer’s block.

I’d go back to bed but know I won’t get comfortable then I’ll just lay there and toss and turn and THAT drives me crazy.

I drive my ownself crazy.  I’m making myself crazy now and I can’t stop but even if I did stop what else would I do?

I’m bored.

Life is so unfair.

Screw it.  I think I’ll go back to bed anyway.

The Adventures of Growing Older…

Feeling it.  I’m feeling my age plus someone else’s age.  I don’t know whose but someone who is approximately my age.  This makes me 88 years old today.  Happy Birthday?  Eh, screw that.

I found a GRAY eyebrow hair not too long ago.  TWEEZE!

This morning I noticed a sticky outty nose hair.  PLUCK!

My favorite episode of Dick Van Dyke is on this morning.  It’s titled “Long Night’s Journey into Day.”  It was made in 1966.  Yea, before I was born.

Earlier this morning on the way to the grocery store my kid said, “Jeez Mom. Your driving is going to cause me to go into some kind of traumatic stress disorder.  I don’t need to go there.”   I’d like to state for the record I do NOT drive like an old woman and my reflexes are that of a 20-year-old.  It is not MY fault that bus decided to slam on the brakes.

Getting older is a challenge, to say the least.  I’m sure I’ll blog about this again – as soon as something finally hits the damn floor.

Happy Thursday!

You’re Not So Typical Interview & Other Things

So my Writing Mojo is still basically out the window.  I’ve just not been feeling it lately.  Makes me sad but I’m hesitant to push it for fear of lodging it deeper into the recesses of my brain and being unable to ever retrieve it again.  Frustration tends to do that.  Instead of trying to entertain you all with clever wit, which I possess little of anyway, I’ll just babble.  I know how much you all love that.

My UK Man and I are moving right along.  We had a glitch.  He went into Full Moon Meltdown.  Seems he doesn’t do well during a full moon which, as we all know, can make people kind of floopy.  We got through it.  All is well and I am happy.  We’ll be Skyping and I’m excited.  Nervous!  But excited.  His name is Chris, by the way.  So sweet, funny and smart.  It’s just a good thing.  No.  Make that a GREAT thing.

Car Accident Debacle has yet to end.  No real news there other than it’s just dragging out like something insane.

My anxiety has subsided somewhat.  It’s not gone completely nor do I feel it ever will be, but it’s a bit better.

Last week I decided people should suck less.  Made an announcement on Facebook.  I’m not sure if it took or not but to the people who suck, heed my advice.  Just stop it.

Earlier I read a blog from MomentMatters.  Thought it was pretty interesting so I’m going to play the game and answer the Oddball Interview Questions.

Imagine you are in a job interview and have been asked the following.  Below are my answers.  How would you respond?

1.  Who would play you in a movie?

I’d choose Kirsty Alley.  I love her.  She’s fun and feisty and just plain sexy.  Not that I believe for one minute I’m sexy.  I just want to come off that way if my life is going to be played out on the big screen.

2.  If you were an animal, which one would you be?

I’d be a wolf.  They are simply stunning creatures and let’s face it, they’re just badass.

3.  What super powers would you want to posses?  

I’ve covered this in a previous blog, sort of.  If I had my druthers, I’d posses them all.  Most important though is the cape.  I have to have a cape.  If I’m going to be a Super WhateverthehellIam, I have to dress nice.

4.  If you were shrunk down to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?

Seriously?  I’ve got every super power known to Super Powerland.  Who is going to shrink me?  However, if for whatever reason one of my many powers failed me, then I’d just use another one to get myself out of the blender.   I’m damn near invincible, right?

5.  How would you survive on a desert island?

A desert island?  Deserts are dirt.  There are no islands in the desert.  If we’re talking a deserted island, that’s different.  If I did not have my many incredible super powers and was unable to just fly my ass outta there, I’m sure my resourcefulness will kick in.  After all, my many years of city living have prepared for me life in the wilderness…NOT.  I have no idea what I’d do.  Probably just cry a lot.

6.  What would you do if you inherited a pizzeria?

This would depend.  It is a lucrative pizzeria or a crap one that’s in danger of bankruptcy?  If it’s a lucrative business, I’d likely hang on to it and keep going.  If it were a crap one then I’d burn it to the ground, giving the appearance of arson (which I can do because I watch a lot of crime shows).  Then I’d collect the insurance money and go to the U.K. never to return.

You all have a great Monday!

Album Cover…

Idea provided by the genius Edward Hotspur

His instructions:

Okay, Create An Album Cover. There are three steps to this.

1) Go to Wikipedia. Click on Random Page. This is your band’s name.

2) Choose a number between 3 and 7, inclusive. Go to Google searching for Random Quotes. Randomly click on an entry on the first page, and once on the page, go down the number you picked. That’s your quote. Choose consecutive words anywhere in that quote equal to the number you picked. That’s your album title.

3) Go to Google again and insert the words you didn’t use for your album title. Search for images. Choose the third picture on page 2. That’s your album pic.

4) Go to Picnik. Edit together your picture, band name and album title. There’s your album cover! Then put it in the comments, or make your own post. If you don’t want to use Picnik, use whatever you want.

My result – which I though turned out pretty cool.  Couldn’t believe my random Wikipedia page landed me on a place in the U.K. (if you knew I am currently crushing on someone from there then you’d know why I was surprised):

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