Saturday Rant…

I am so beyond fed up with this internet/text “slang” people insist on using in everyday writing.  It is simply lazy.  I’m guilty of the “lol” or “lmao” and “brb” and definitely “wtf” when I’m on Facebook or Yahoo but to use this daily, as a regular way of communication?  It’s ridiculous.

Illiteracy IS a real problem and sadly many adults grow up not knowing how to spell even the most simple words.  Even more sad is most of those most actually graduated high school.  These are people my age or close, all adults, so given the world is only getting lazier, the “good spellers” of the world are now becoming a rare commodity.  Our schools no longer even want to take time to teach our children how to write in cursive.  It’s insanity!  Yet another reason why I home school my daughter.  One day, on the rare chance technology simply isn’t available to her and printing her name isn’t an option, I’d like her to be able to sign it, in cursive.  Doesn’t have to be pretty.  She just needs to know how to do it.  I have no idea how or why some government official decided this was not an important skill but shame on him/her/them.

A bit ago, on Facebook, I saw where someone had written “bewbs.”  What?!  If we must discuss them can we spell the word properly?  It would’ve taken the same energy to write it correctly than it took to write it incorrectly.  Does misspelling it make it funny?  Not in my opinion. 

Let’s get it together people.  Let’s get back to a place where writing (you know, with a pen or pencil) proper spelling, and good grammar mean something.  Let’s not let our kids grow up ignorant.  There are too many free resources out there for that to happen and there is no excuse for it.

Happy Friday…

Yesterday turned out to be a failure.  Franky isn’t being so pleasant and as much as I HATE admitting this, it distracts me.  I lose focus on my work which I simply can not afford to do at the risk of letting down my Ghost Walk friends, it keeps me from getting things done around the house that MUST be done, and quite honestly I didn’t even feel like eating.  It absolutely makes me crazy that I allow him to get to me this way.  It’s WRONG.  I suppose it might be human nature to react this way when someone you love is being a pain in the ass but seriously…I need to get gripped.   With two years of bizarre relationship with him under my belt you’d think I’d have adjusted by now.  It’ll get better, right?  It has to.  I’m working on ways to keep my focus and then maintain it because I hate it when my productivity gets derailed by negativity.

I need to take a moment to thank some people for inspiring me to write.  I am NOT by any means a stellar writer.  I enjoy words (way more than numbers…I can’t math) and have even on ocassion read the dictionary simply because I enjoy words, any words, all words.  Writing, whether I’m good at it or not, is important to me and for quite some time I’ve gone back and forth between blogging and not blogging.  The first of the year I decided I’m going for it.  And so to that end, let me say a special thank you to these people:

Heather…not even sure how to tell you how much you’ve inspired me.  I admire your courage, they way you open up in your own blogs and tell it like it is.  I respect your unwavering faith, love your wit and humor, and enjoy reading your blogs.  Some I’ve even read more than once because I’ve needed that extra push to keep me going!

Rocky…I love you so very much.  Thank you for your faith in me (although right now it’s a bit scary 🙂  NO PRESSURE!).  I treasure our friendship and look forward to our Ghost Walk journey in 2012 and beyond!  (That’s right – BEYOND because we WILL still be around for many years to come!)

Traci…my Butt-Crack Holler sis, you are amazing.  All that you do, all that you are, blows me away daily.  Funny, sweet, hardworking, great Mom, smart, talented…I love you and thank you for your faith in me.  You and Rocky both keep me going and continually give my life happiness, although your faith in me right now scares me a bit too.  🙂 

Denise…don’t even know what to say and you probably know what is in my head anyway.  Thank you for being my best friend and soulmate.  I love you muchly!

And last, but most importantly, my Mom…I could not survive without you.  I think even if I were the worst speller on the planet you’d still encourage me to write and for that, I thank you.  I love you!

Ok, enough with the mushy stuff.  I need to get busy.  It’s Friday and I need to kick some Friday ass!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Praying…

This morning, I was catching up on emails, and read the White Bison’s Elder Meditation for January 2nd which talks about  how we all need to be responsible for our own actions and the words we say and the thoughts we think.  These emails from White Bison never fail to get me to thinking about life, my place in this world, my responsibilities, and they have an amazing way of calming  me when I’m frazzled.  Many I’ve saved so I can refer back to them when needed.

These meditations make a world of difference in my attitude…most days.  I’m not perfect nor am I medicated so sometimes even meditation can’t bust through my Bitch Wall.  While I don’t consider myself a religious person, I do feel I’m spiritual and I’m comfortable in my relationship with God and yes, I do believe in God.  It took a lot of years and soul-searching to get here, but I made it.  I honestly do not feel that my sitting in a building every Sunday would make a huge impact on my spirituality anymore than I feel sitting in a garage everyday would make me a car.  People say I am wrong by not attending church every Sunday and that we are to come together and pray, that is what God wishes us to do.  But in this world of online togtherness, I feel I am part of a group of people who do pray together everyday.  Think about it…how many of your friends on Facebook ask for prayer in their status updates?  How many of us actually take the time to pray for them?  I do.  I do it everytime I see a friend in need.  I can see where others comment with a note of prayer.  Because Ghost Walk is under a constant spiritual attack, we’ve had blessings at the beginnings of our staff meetings.  Let’s face it, we’re all connected.  We’re all human, we all struggle, we all have joys and blessings in our lives are grateful for (or should be), and if you are part of an online group  of friends who pray then you’re okay and for me, I’d rather live my life this way. 

My daughter and I had a conversation the other day about being normal.  That’s a hard word to define – normal.  Everyone in our Universe is different  and unique.  What is normal for you might not be normal for me and vice-versa.  God made us that way and think of how incredibly boring our world would be if we were all the same?  Yikes!  So given the fact that what works for some might not work for others, I think we’re all a bit too judgemental when it comes to prayer and where and how we should do it.  You believe what you wish to belive, do what feels right for you, pray the way you want to, find that place within yourself where you can be comfortable with your personal relationship with your Higher Power.  It’s worth the effort and I promise to not rain on your prayer parade if you don’t rain on mine.

GUILT…It Really is a “Dirty Word”

What a day…and I don’t necessarily mean that in a good way.

We’re having such terrible electrical problems at our house that I felt it necessary to take Emily (my daughter) to stay with a friend until we could get the problems resolved.  It was the right thing to do, taking her.  I know this. 

However, on my way home it hit me that when I gave birth to my 8 pound bundle of joy 11 years ago, I also unleased at the very least a metric ton of GUILT.  Being a Mom is the hardest job on the planet.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  If they do, they are lying.

Never a day goes by that I don’t question myself as a mother.  I mean, I know that for the most part, I do right by my kid.  When it conerns daily tasks that come with parenting, I’m good.  But the big stuff?  Oy Vey!  There are times when I feel I’m failing her and it’s not fun.  Luckily, she and I are so close that our communication (at least until she becomes a teenager) is at an optimum.  We talk, we talk often, and we talk about everything.  If she feels cheated in some way, she tells me.  For this I am truly grateful.  The fact she can come to me with anything, I suppose, is proof I’m doing okay.  But still…the worry is always there, right under the surface, sometimes like an itch I simply can not scratch.

I’m also a single Mom which I think sometimes makes it harder, then knowing my ex-husband the way I do, I can sit back and be grateful he’s not a real part of the process of raising our child.  Oddly enough, I think Emily is a bit glad about that, as well.  The truth is she and I have this amazing support system so we really are blessed.

This year though, it is going to be about making money.  Money to provide better for her.  She owns my heart and I want her to be happy.  I want her to be warm, to feel safe, to know she can always count on me no matter what.  Ultimately the responsibility is all mine, and I’m okay with that.  But when I feel I’m failing her, jeez…the guilt can be absolutely mind-numbing.

So, I Was On My Way To Tuesday When…

I stumbled smack into Monday. 

WHAMMO!

Absolutely was not as productive as I had intended today but I did spend 3 hours on the phone with a really great guy who made me laugh so hard my face hurt.  Three hours is longer than I’ve talked on the phone in over 20 years.  I wonder if I’m smart enough to keep up with Bret.  He knows a lot about a lot that I’m just ignorant about.  Probably I have a lot to learn from him.  I like the thought of that.

It is going to be really cold tonight which means it will be really cold in the morning when I have to get out and leave for work.  Which is ok.  I am so ready to go back to work.  This year is MY year and I’m going to make MONEY. 

Not much to report really.  I’m trying to wean myself off of Coke (cola) and stick with Gingerale which means my head is throbbing due to lack of caffiene.  Grateful that will only last a couple of days.  I’m still drinking coffee (yea, NOT giving that up) but only in the mornings now.  No more drinking it all day long.  No doubt this will help me sleep at night…DUH.  I’m possibly going to try and give up meat, at least red meat, so we’ll see how that goes.  I hate eating anyway so if I could, I’d just live on the most basic things – like eating a pickle out of the jar, declaring that an actual meal, and being done with it. 

Somewhere in the back of my head I’m contemplating a bus trip to Florida to spend some time with one of my best friends.  I’ve not seen her in years and miss her terribly.  Not sure I can do all of those hours on a Greyhound but I am marinating on it.

Must get to work on all things Ghost Walk.  I feel good about this year and have high hopes it’ll be our year to really succeed and see some pay off.    Major pay off or seriously, I”m going to start kicking serious ass.

Here’s looking at ya Tuesday…

Well, I’m Not Laughing This Morning…

Nothing, and I do mean nothing, can ruin a morning more than waking up to cat puke on one’s bed.  Ok, maybe there are worse things, but at this precise moment I can’t think of what they are.

Oh and ask me if I’d just washed all of my bedding yesterday?!  Yes.  Yes I did.  Just damn.

So I woke up, saw it, now I’m in a horribly foul mood and I can’t for the life of me figure out what my cat ate that made her so sick.  She stays in my room most of the time and really only eats her kitten food so I can only assume she got hold of a bad chipmunk on one of her brief excursions outside.  Damn that chipmunk!

I also woke up to a message from someone that irritated the crap out of me.  This person doesn’t really know me, yet he has chosen to “bash” the man I’m dating (Franky) and has made some comment about him “rolling off a cliff.”  WTH dude?!  I admit Franky and I have our problems, largely due to his drinking, but it also happens that I care about him quite a bit and it makes no difference if Franky and I are dating.  He and I will ALWAYS will be friends so to you…the man who thinks he can make me feel better and get me to fall in love with him by insulting people I care about – BITE ME.

And speaking of drinking…here is the thing that pisses me off about that.  I honestly do not care that Franky drinks.  His body, his choice.  He’s grown and can make his own decisons.  What pisses me off about the whole thing is the fact he can get pretty damn snarky when he drinks and it’s great for him because he never really remembers what he says, but for me the words sting for awhile.  So while he has the fortune of not remembering, I have to live with some things he’s said.   Granted, I’m a bitch and I can be horribly difficult to live with.  Anyone who knows me at all is aware of that.  It’s not a big secret and I’ve no doubt I’ve pushed Franky’s buttons when he’s been drinking, but c’mon man…get over it already.  On the flip side, he loves me.  Ya know that old saying “a drunk man’s word is a sober man’s truth?”  Yea…EVERYTHING Franky feels comes out when he’s drunk so I know he loves me.  Without doubt, I know this.  He’s referred to alcohol as his “liquid courage.”  I believe him.   The good moments Franky and I have together far outweigh the bad.  He’s honest.  He makes me laugh like no other man has ever done before.  He’s affectionate.  He’s intelligent.  HE CAN SPELL (and if you pay attention to anything I say on Facebook you know I hate a bad speller).  I am confused at times, but overall happier than I’ve been in many years.  I do not know what our future holds and I don’t spend much time dwelling on it.  I like to think that one day he’ll come home and be able to stay for good, but if not, that’s ok too.   I can say though he and I agree – this being apart from one another is getting harder and harder to deal with. 

So here’s to a New Year…looking for the positive, not dwelling on the negative…and to clean sheets AGAIN!  Must go wash my bedding ASAP.  It’s simply disgusting!

Happy New Year everyone!

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