The Funny Thing About Life Is…

What’s funny about life?  Well, just about everything if you put the right spin on it.  It helps to have a warped sense of humor though.

For example…

Two days ago I sent an email inquiry to a divorce attorney in my area.  I did this because while I have no problem going to court alone (NOT my first time at this rodeo!) I need a bit of help with the paperwork.  She responded with the most uninformed response I could’ve possibly gotten.  What’s funny about that?  I felt the need to write her back and tell her she’s an idiot.  THAT felt good.  I laughed. 

See how I turned it around?  I could’ve gotten discouraged.  I could’ve believed her.  I could’ve said screw it and just resigned myself to the fact I’m going to be married to an absent douchebag of a husband for another year.  But NO!  I found humor in it! 

We should all try to do that.  Find humor in even the bleakest moments.  It does truly help get us through the hard times.

So, since it’s almost the beginning of a new year, I vote we all work a little harder to laugh at life.  We take it too seriously, don’t we?  I’m going to work on not getting so down on myself and my circumstances and remember that no matter how hard I’ve got, there are others who have it much worse than I ever will, God bless ’em.  Maybe we should all work a little harder to help those who have it rougher than us, too.  Look around you.  Need is everywhere.  Just smiling and saying hello to someone you don’t even know could make all the difference to them so give it a try.  Makes them feel good, makes you feel good – it’s a win/win situation!

Stop the World…I Want to Get Off

Seriously, do you ever have mornings like that?  You wake up and the last thing you want to do is get out of the bed and face the world.  

And why is it when you have to get up and go to work “just 5 more minutes” turns into 45 more minutes and when you don’t have anywhere to be you can’t get those extra 5 mintes of snooze time no matter how hard you try?  This happens to me all the time!

Well regardless, I’m up now.  I’m blogging.  Promised myself I’d do this everyday, or at least as much as possible this year, and give myself the opportunity to get some of this crap clogging my brain OUT.  Releasing pressure, so to speak. 

Where to begin…

For starters, homeschool begins again for my daughter next Monday and I’ve got a ton of work to get done.  I’m the Queen of Procrastination, a long-held title that maybe I’m not so proud of.  No doubt I’ll be scrambling this weekend to try and get lesson plans done. 

I feel horribly guilty for not getting any work done for Ghost Walk yesterday, but I just couldn’t seem to find my mojo.  Long gone are the days of Prozac and how I miss those days!   The beautiful thing about Prozac is I could still be bummed out but I just didn’t care.  I want THAT life back.

As it is, I care about a lot of things probably too much.  I tend to dwell, I overthink, I rip things apart in my mind, think it all to death, make more out of what really is, and basically make myself nuts trying to answer questions that likely have no real answers.  Or at least no answers that will make me happy.  The truth is, I don’t have to like the answers – I just need to know what they are.  And I’m tired.  I am SO tired.  Mentally drained.  To the point where I’m simply stymied.  I get stuck and when that happens I don’t function well on a day to day level.  It’s like that saying  goes “I’ve so much to do I just decided to not do any of it.”  Easy solution right?  Yea, not so much.  Then I’m stuck all over again with the guilt of not accomplishing anything.  It’s a seriously vicious and ugly cycle. 

People have this impression of me, I believe, of a person who just doesn’t care.  It’s not true.  I do care.  I care and I worry and I stress just like everyone else.  The thing is, because of circumstances, I try really hard to bury it all and play the role of “strong one” when in reality, my strength is wearing out.  It’ll be interesting if nothing else to see how far I can go before something completely breaks me. 

Oh Prozac…come back to me!  I miss health insurance more than I can say.  I’ve got all of this “stuff” wrong with me, some of which is not good, and no way to fix any of it.  Which brings me to yet another difficult task I must face – finding a job with benefits.  I have a great job right now and would like to think that maybe it could turn into a full-time staff position but then I’m certainly not going to get my hopes up.  So it’s dust off the old resume and get to huntin’.  Soon.  Very soon. 

This year is going to be a GOOD year.  I’ll see to it.  Changes will happen and things will improve.  Despite my whiny attitude this morning, I do feel somewhat positive about 2012.  Happy New Year!

Unhappy Holiday?!

I started this Christmas day…

Today,  learned it’s possible to be unhappy on Christmas Day.  Who knew?!  I’ve spent 43 years of my life being so overjoyed at Christmas time that I had no idea this holiday sadness could cover me like a bad rash.  Well now I know.  Now I must get to the cause of it.

Oh yea, I had a epiphany.

It’s change that is bumming me out.  I’ve always heard we’re supposed to embrace change.  Typically, change is a good thing.  It’s  a part of moving forward and progess is always positive, right? 

Yea, not always.

You see, I’m a Mom.  My daughter is my life.  That kid has me so wrapped up in love that often times I feel I might explode.  You know that kind of love I’m talking about…it’s the one where you feel your heart is going to burst wide open.  Truly the best feeling in the world but this Christmas Santa has just become a pain in my ass.

My daughter is 10 and she’s pretty grown up for her age.  She’s outgrown toys and Santa is now officially “off the clock” at our house…forever.   THIS is the the THING that is making me so sad.  I’m going to miss him.  I’m going to miss the big build up and excitement that comes with waiting for Santa every Christmas Eve.  This year, my daughter understood that Santa needs to concentrate on the little ones who want toys.  She’s stepped down from babyhood and took a giant leap into tweenhood that has knocked me for a loop.  Granted, I initiated the talk with her about Santa.  Money troubles forced me to do so.  She was incredibly mature about the entire situation and seemed completely unfazed.  I, on the other hand, wanted to cry. 

So there it is.  It took me all day to figure out what exactly my problem was.  It’s change and change was not my friend this holiday. 

Having said all that, I do feel truly blessed.  I’ve got the greatest kid a Mom could ever hope to have.  She’s brilliant, funny, intelligent, quick-witted, talented, and understanding.  It is that understanding from her, when I’m feeling not so stellar in the parenting department, that keeps me going. 

Goodbye Santa, hello new traditions!

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