Welcome to A.D.D. Thursday!

Get off me cat!

Did I start the coffee pot this morning?

What time is it?

What am I going to wear today?

I can’t believe I woke up at 2:50 a.m. this morning!

I hate all these app requests on Facebook.

Why isn’t I Love Lucy on?

Oh good!  Frazier!

Where is my to go cup?!  (This particular random thought sent waves of panic through me like nobody’s business)

We have no bread.

Men are so ridiculous.

And on and on it goes…since I awoke this morning at that ridiculous hour.  I’ve had a million thoughts, all jumbled, none of them in any kind of “make sense” order.  My brain is already exhausted.  You’d think these were normal thoughts, but you have no idea the rapid-fire pace of my thinking process this morning.  It’s like my brain is running at Mach speed and I can’t seem to slow it down long enough to really focus.

Going to be one of THOSE days.

We Are Our Own Worst Enemy…

It’s been awhile.  I’ve been slack in my blogging.  I’ve also noticed a change in how I’ve felt since I’ve not blogged.  I’m guilty of just not making time for it, plain and simple…it’s my fault.  Blogging, although I’ve been doing it a short time, has made a significant difference in my attitude.  After I hit “publish” I find I feel lighter, less stressed, my brain isn’t quite so full.  I know that for me, this process is incredibly theraputic and yet I failed to make time for it.  Yep, screwed myself out of some quality time with my blog.  I am my own worst enemy.

I think we all can be our worst enemy.  I’ve been thinking a lot about how we tend to sabatoge ourselves with our actions and/or with our attitudes.  Reading the Elder’s Meditation this morning that I am so very fond of, it says: 

The building blocks to knowledge and wisdom are constructed through the lessons of our character defects if we constructively review our conduct each day, asking where we are resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid. Remember, we need to review constructively, not destructively. Destructive review is when we ask, “what’s the matter with me anyway.” or “how could I be so stupid?” These question lead to morbid reflection or remorse and seriously affect our self esteem. In constructive review we ask, “what will I do next time?” With constructive review we progressively eliminate the defect and replace it with wisdom.

Which leads me to wonder…how much of my “stinkin’ thinkin'” is responsible for the outcome of each day?  Do I go to bed grumpy and just relived the day is over, or do I lay my head down at night able to smile and find the many reasons I SHOULD be grateful?  I’ve found my DESTRUCTIVE review can kill me on the inside and it is no one’s fault but my own.

See, we get caught up.  Life is tough, man.  No matter how much we strive to be positive, those destructive thoughts can crawl their way in and before we know it, we’re bogged down with a bad attitude.  We start to question ourselves in  ways that aren’t productive at all.  I do it, too.  I’m terrible with it.  I will often find myself thinking, “Lisa!  What is wrong with you?”  or “OMG, I’m such a dumbass!”  When really, if I’d just take a moment to get gripped and re-adjust the way I think then I’d find myself at the end of each day a bit more settled and a bit more grateful and yes, even a bit more wiser.

I feel that our destructive criticims can hamper our ability to see that no matter what happens or what we do, we have value.  Goodness, I can get so frazzled and sucked up into the whole “what is wrong with me” trap that I sometimes fail to realize there is very little actually WRONG with me.  Why is that?  Because I’m human!   One that will make mistakes.  Mistakes are okay.  Mistakes shape us and offer us valuable lessons IF we allow ourselves the opportunity to learn from them.  So maybe we should embrace our mistakes, our failures, and just the general crap life chunks at us instead of throwing ourselves elaborate and time-wasting pity parties.  Perfection isn’t a requirement and it’s not even achievable.  Le’s stop being so hard on ourselves, shall we?  It’s a thought.

The next time you find yourself asking “what did I do wrong?  how could I be so stupid?”, maybe rephrase that into “how can this situation be different?  what can I do to help it and make it better?”  If we find we can’t do anything to change a situation then for the love of all that is holy, ACCEPT THAT and MOVE ON!  Don’t dwell on it!   But changing the way we view ourselves (or a particular situation) goes a long way to improving our attitude and how we see ourselves.  No one should go through life feeling like they are worthless and unimportant.  Not one human should feel that way.  Every single one of us has value.  But if WE don’t see that, how can anyone else see it?  We control that, ya know.  Only we have the power  to control how we feel about ourselves and everything around us.  We should never give that control to anyone or anything…EVER.

And on a different, yet somewhat related topic – I’ve spoken before about negativity.  It’s important to mention here that negative thinking does in fact bring about negative energy.  Believe it or not, it’s true.  The more time we spend dwelling on the negative, the worse we make things for ourselves.  It does snowball.  We can absolulely drown in it to a point where we feel we can never get out.  So again, back to our personal power – ONLY WE CAN CHANGE IT!  It’s a conscious decision on our part to say to ourselves “Ok, this is it…no more negativity.  I will shut down this PityFest I’ve got going on and I will think positive thoughts.”   You might feel like everything in the world is wrong and your life is filled with misery and nothing is going right, but if we’d just stop and remove OUR negativity then we’d see that honestly, life isn’t as bad as it could be and by doing so, we’ll realize we aren’t as bad as we think we are either.   

NOTE:  Do NOT sit around waiting for someone to change it for you and do NOT sit around just waiting for life to get better without putting some work into it.   You do that and you are simply setting yourself up for disappointment, no doubt.

The truth of the matter is, the people who go through life with their destructive thought processes and negative energy aren’t much fun to be around.  There are folks in this world who just naturally have a sunny disposition all the time and that’s well and good.  I, however, am not one of those.  I am one of the bitchiest people I know (TRUTH) and so for me, to maintain a positive attitude and think constructively is WORK.  It’s not something I just get up and do b/c that’s how I’m wired.  I have to get up every single morning and make the deicison to do it then I spend all day putting effort into the process.  Most days I am successful and if I am not just downright cheery then I can at least maintain a balance.  But it’s not easy to fight our own inner demons when we have to constantly be exposed to other’s inner demons, as well.  Sometimes I want to give up the fight.  Some days I simply wake up not having the energy to do it.  I really don’t.  Some mornings I want to throw in the towel, say screw it, and just let myself wallow (and some mornings I’ve done just that) but for the most part, I get up everyday making the decision to be happy.  I do not want to live my life miserable.  Where is the quality and value in living that way?  I WANT to be happy and I have to make it happen.  So do you!  Know that if you are a natural-born Negative Nellie, your disposition and way of thinking won’t change overnight so don’t get discouraged.  Just take it one day at a time!

Now let’s get up, get out and make it a HAPPY day!

The Aging Birds and Bees…

DISCLAIMER:  If talk of sex and relationships offend you, PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.  I’m not saying this is going to get into porn territory but I am saying there’ll be an “adult” conversation.  Still going to read?  Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

And Mom, you especially will NOT want to read this.

The other night, during one of Ghost Walk’s radio shows, we were all in chat and somehow to topic of food came up. 

Yes, food.  Bear with me…I’ll get there. 

We all threw into the chatroom our favorite foods and it occurred to me I’d not really eaten that day because I had no Prilosec. 

Yes, Prilosec – the stuff for acid reflux. 

OMG you impatient people…the sex stuff is coming up!  Just wait, bunch of perverts!  Jeez!

And that let me to mull over how, as we get older (and yes I am “older”) our basic needs and wants change so dramatically…like our favorite foods, what we can and can not eat after a certain time of day because we get so damn old our bodies begin to dictate our mealtimes, what we consider entertainment, the things we get excited about – like a damn nap during the day.  Then all of that led me to thinking about sex and relationships.

There!  Are you happy now?!  Here we go!

When I was younger, considerably younger, a “relationship” in my head constituted a period of time, dating the same guy or possibly more than one, with little conversation yet spending every minute with him and having a lot of sex.  A LOT of sex.  All day and night marathon sex, in the car, outside, in public – wherever.  It didn’t matter.  Less talk, more sex.  THAT was my idea of a relationship.  Aaaah, good times!  I could eat Chef Boyardee or pizza any freakin’ time of day or night I wanted to.  No heartburn!  Sleep was not an issue because 20+ years ago I didn’t need it.  I could go for days on no sleep and it didn’t matter. 

Jump ahead 20+ years and well, things aren’t quite the same.  Sadly.

Since my younger days, I’ve been married 3 times.  Yes, three times.  All of them to men who insisted on staying stuck up my ass 24 hours a day.  I hate that.  I hate that feeling of being smothered.  It is my belief that all people – married, not married, in relationships or not in relationships – need time to themselves.  No matter how much I love and care about a man, as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I do not need to spend every waking second with him.  Really  men – go away for a little while.  Give us a chance to miss you.  We’ll appreciate you more.  Same goes for women…don’t be clingy.  Men hate that and it makes you look really damn desperate.  Who needs that crap?  Get a hobby people!  Anyway, I’ve gotten off track a bit. 

As we get older, those days of hanging from the ceiling or doing it upside down kinda fade away.  It’s a gradual thing, at least it was for me.  I still love sex, I still like lots of it, but how many of us now find ourselves doing exercises to limber up first or throwing some Bengay (the odorless kind – that “original” smell can ruin a mood) on our knees so we can get all bendy without excruciating pain?  Admit it…we get older and sometimes there’s a bit of prep time involved before we can commence to lovemaking.   Women, we can still seductively go away to slip into something more comfortable, but while you’re locked away in the bathroom, shoving the ladies back UP where they belong in that sexy lingerie, you’re stretching and medicating and hoping  like Hell in the middle of a hot night of sex you don’t get a Charlie Horse in your leg.  And well, you’re not 20 anymore so it’s not even a hot night, it’s more like a hot hour or two.  You can do this…you can get through a couple of hours without screaming “OMG!  LEG CRAMP!  GET OFF ME!” 

There is seldom anymore of the after sex “I’m hungry, wanna go grab a burger?”  and then after eating, quickly undressing and going at it again…probably in the parking lot of whatever fast food place you ate said burger.

It’s more like “Damn, I need a nap now.  Hey, you have any Tums?”  and after 8 hours of sleep, a cup of coffee, peeing, brushing our teeth, feeding the cat, and  probably peeing again because the coffee has gotten to you…THEN you can do it again, slowly of course because you’re still exhausted from the night before.   Or it might come down to not doing it and just saying “Oh babe,  I’m too tired.  Can we just snuggle?”  Then drifting right off to sleep.   Which is okay.  Snuggling is good.  I enjoy it tremendously.  But in the end, my man is going to sleep with a smile on his face.  Guaranteed.

Things change folks.  We get older and we have to make adjustments in our sex life.  It’s just how it is.  And while I’m on the subject, when in the hell did men get so lazy?  What happened guys?  I realize a woman on top is hot – we like it too, but honestly can you not do some of the work?  Just some?!  Younger men might be learning but Lord knows their trying and they REALLY try, but older men?  LAZY.  It’s a real shame. 

No matter how old we get though, sex is still great.  Honestly, even though there are more issues to consider as we age, I think it’s better as we get older.  It means more.  Most of us save our intimate moments for a person we truly care about, or I do anyway, and that makes a difference.  I’m a one man woman now and I couldn’t be happier.  No more of those slutty ways for me, no sir!  I need a man in my life who appreciates me for who I am, what I am, and can overlook all of those crazy things that happen to a woman as she ages.  

So to men out there who are older and insist on trying to hook up with a woman half their age, might I suggest finding a woman your own age?  We might be older and we might take a bit longer to get ready for sex, but in the end, we’re worth it.  We put in the time it takes to please you.  That makes us worth it.  Very worth it.

State of Denial – It’s a Great Place to Visit, But…

Good morning friends!

I’ve been slack in my blogging the past few days.  No real reason other than I’ve been so focused on my work with Ghost Walk’s magazine, Haunted Path, that I’ve left myself time for little else.  Notice how I’m throwing in links to this stuff?  Pretty sneaky huh?  Hope you all check ’em out – Ghost Walk does good work!  Oh, and just FYI – I am the Acting Editor-in-Chief of our magazine so if you have a good ghost story you’d like to share & possibly have published, hit me up!  You can send me an email to lsummerlin@ghostwalkproductions.com.

Ok, enough of that.  Let’s get down to the reason for this blog…

I’ve mentioned in previous blogs how I often find inspiration when reading the White Bison Elder’s Meditation emails I get daily.  Today is no different.  Here it is…

“If people are going to get back into balance, one of the things they have to do is seek the truth. They have to start really speaking the truth themselves, and that’s a difficult thing to do. The way it is now in the world, we don’t mind lying.” ~John Peters (Slow Turtle), WAMPANOAG

Oh wait…this is actually yesterday’s Meditation, but the date is insignificant.  It’s the message I want to talk about.

How many of us do this?  I could not be more guilty of it if my name were Guilty Guilterson.  Seriously.  To clarify, I don’t spend my time lying to others because it is a trait I despise, but I do lie to myself.  Which leads me to wonder – why is it wrong to lie to others but okay to lie to ourselves?  It’s not.  Not even a little.  If we’re going to live our lives being honest we might as well go whole hog with it and face up to it when we’re dishonest with ourselves.

There are things about me, about my life, about my habits that I don’t like.  And to be REALLY honest, I’m horrible about living in that great state of Denial.  I spend ridiculous amounts of time there and I think it’s because I just expect, somewhere in the back of my brain, that things will just fix themselves by some miraculous Divine Intervention and then I have to do nothing at all.  WRONG.  See, we can pray all day and night for our Higher Power to fix things for us but if we’re not willing to do the work and we’re not prepared to go through what it takes to get us to what we’ve prayed for then we can’t really expect a damn thing and part of that means telling ourselves the truth.

For example:  one of the things I do not like about myself is my lack of time management.  It’s a simple thing really and could technically be easily changed.  I’ve found myself so busy these days and I’m just going through life, whistlin’ a little tune (not really – I can’t whistle), thinking “Oh, it’ll all work out.  I’ll get done what I can.  Tomorrow is a new day. I’ve got lots of time.”  BIG FAT LIE.  We have no idea how much time we actually do have and since I’m no “Seer of the Future” what the hell do I know?  The answer to that is nothing.  So when I have those lucid moments of realizing I am lying to myself about being gripped, I go through this long mental debate about what I need to do to make the change and balance my time more wisely.  See, I’m a terrible procrastinator.  I’ve turned it into an art form, seriously.  If there were a degree for it, I’d  have a Master’s.  Probably even a Doctorate.  Lisa Summerlin, PhD of Procrastination.  That’s me.  What does all of this mean?  It means I need to STOP lying to myself about things magically getting done on time and I need to GET A GRIP.  I can sit here and look all kickass in this blog about how I’m facing the truth about myself right here, right now, but the actual act of not lying to myself about my terrible habit on a daily basis?  That’s the real kicker. 

My point in all of this is if there is something you don’t love about yourself or your situation, wouldn’t it be easier if we all just faced it, dealt with it, and moved on?  It’s not fun to live life not being honest with ourselves.  It’s a tremendous stressor, at least it is for me, so I wonder if it gets to everyone else the same way.  I’ve got heavy duty issues I’m dealing with right now as well that I am not facing up to like my divorce and this one is killing me. 

My husband left my daughter and me about three years ago.  No warning and no reason.  Just left.  I spent a long time convincing myself he would come back home.  He’d had a heart attack and he was just going through some of his own personal crap and when he felt better, he’d be back.  The truth of that is I still, to this day, have no idea why he really left.  I never will.  Only he knows that and because he’s a compulsive liar, I’ll likely never really know what went on in his head.  He and I talk often and he says he regrets it, but I’m looking around and I don’t see him here so…he must not regret it too damn much.  Yet, I am STILL struggling to make myself file the divorce.  Part of it is a money issue in the sense that I don’t have any and attorneys don’t work for free.  But then I find excuses like I’ll wait just a bit longer because he might come home for our daughter, or he still loves me because he says it so I’ll try and hang on to that.  LIES, LIES, LIES.  The hardest part of all of this is admitting to myself that I just don’t love him anymore.  I’m not sure when I came to that realization and it wasn’t some kind of mind-blowing, stop me in my tracks moment, but I know now that I don’t love him.  I know I can never trust him again and if we want to go a step further, I know now I could never really trust him to begin with.  So see, I’m facing up to some of it.  I’m being honest with myself about parts of this, but not all of it.  That’s what I mean about going “whole hog” with this honesty thing.  Trust me when I say I have NO trouble at all being honest with him about how I feel and what I think.  I’ve got a mouth on me that won’t quit, but when it comes to being honest with myself, I don’t quite have it all together.  Anyway, this year is my year.  I’ll figure out someway to get the divorce done and I’ll FINALLY move on with that part of my life.  No doubt when it is over and done with, I’ll feel a huge burden has been lifted off of me.

So, that’s my biggy.  What’s yours?  What is one thing you have been lying to yourself about that requires your immediate attention?  To be a tad cliche’, it’s a new year so it’s a time for new beginnings right?  Let’s all make a deal that we’ll figure out the one thing we’ve spent the most time lying to ourselves about and let’s just stop doing it.  Let’s face that Monster in our Mental Closet, unleash that beast and let him go!  Or her…you could be a dude and your Closet Monster could be a her.  Whichever – let’s conquer that thing!

Today is a new day so take a bit of time to reflect on whatever it is you’ve not been honest to yourself about and decide to face up to it.  We’ve all got something we must deal with so let’s buck up and deal with it!

Have a great Tuesday!

Freaky Friday…

This morning, I woke up to find that people I love are hurting and unhappy.  That’s not good.  So, I’d like to give them a moment to step outside of their sadness and imagine some fun.  I’ve decided to make “Bringing Spam Mail to Life” a regular Friday thing so in the future, that will be the title of Friday’s blog.  This is for all of you, feeling sadness this morning.  I love you guys!

Now, picture you are sitting down at your computer, coffee in hand (and in my case also with a cigarette), and you’ve just opened your email.  You go to delete the crap in your spam box but wait a minute…what’s this?!

O.

M.

G.

There are 12 people just in my area code alone waiting to meet me!  This is fabulous!  I can trade in these losers who are sucking the life out of me for all new friends!  Out with the old, in with the new!  Yes!!!

Well, my hardwork has paid off.  I’ve ignored those offers for  Viagra for so long I finally broke the bastards.  I can get it for free now.  SCORE! 

Absolutely my  lucky day!  My quest of gaming glory can now be fulfilled at a casino near me.  Finally, my moment has come…I will be the ruler of all casinos!  Or…I can stay at home, sit on my ass, and get some kind of bizarre gratification from Farmville like I’ve been doing for the past two years.  I mean my neighbors already revere me as Lord of the Plow and I earned my High Roller ribbon ages ago.  Decisions, decisions…

Wow, this is troubling indeed.  I’ve just been notified I’ve got over $4 million in tax refunds being held hostage by the Federal government.  Oh ya know I am NOT falling for this one!  The others maybe but I know good and damn well the government would NEVER hold my money hostage!  Sheesh, how do people come up with this stuff?!  Brainwashers!!

Awwww, I’ve been blessed by Sister Marie Hampton.  How sweet!  Wait a minute…who??? 

Damn United Nations is STILL after me.  This is borderline harrassment.  Seriously. 

Oh honestly, even the spammers of the world must know that ALL bras are EVIL.  Genie Bra my ass!  Try all day to convince me that man did not invent these contraptions as a means to torment women but it’ll never work.  I know the truth. 

Ok, back to reality…

I  know so many who are having a hard time right now.  Money, family,  relationships and just life in general – none of it is every really easy.  I also don’t believe it should be.  I can’t think of one single terrible experience in my life where I’ve not been able to look back and find a lesson learned, most cases an incredibly valuable lesson.  Now it might take some serious soul searching to figure out what those lessons are but if you do take the time to do it, it’s worth it and when you do figure out what positive thing you can take away from a negative experience – hang on to it for dear life. 

See, I feel those positive lessons in life are the ones that propel us through future negativity.  It’d be nice to say “oh this sucks about my life so I’m just going to change it right now.”  But being honest, how often is that an actual reality?  Most of us are in situations that can not change with a wave of a magic wand.  It takes hard work and time and more hard work and then more damn time and THEN we can make a change.  Since I’m serious lacking in patience (really, to the point where I actually get on my own nerves sometimes for not moving fast enough) I have to lean on my life lessons to get me through.  I count on those to help me continually see there is in fact a light at the end of what is sometimes an incredibly dark and bleak tunnel.  It’s like telling yourself that you’ve made it through crap this far, you can make it through any upcoming crap headed your way.  Remind yourself you are STRONG and you can do anything!  Focus on what you might be able to change right now (your attitude, the way you view things) and then make a plan for changing things that take time. 

And then keep in mind that, if you’re anything like me, you’ll have to constantly remind yourself you decided awhile back to change your attitude and you will NOT bitch slap the  people that piss you off, you’ll just smile and nod and walk away. 

Humans are a constant work in progress.  Be grateful for it and think about how incredibly dull this world would be if we were all perfect. 

Hang in there guys because it will get better! 

The Elephant in the Room…

People hate to talk about this because it’s considered a taboo subject but if you know me at all, then you know there are few subjects I consider off-limits.  Especially those that are a part of life and can’t be avoided.  So here I go…

Our world needs to be a bit more educated about PMS.  Every single time I hear someone say “it’s all in a woman’s head” I want to slap them.  It’s usually a man who makes this comment so this blog is for the idiot men out there who don’t have a clue and have obviously never lived with or known a woman.  For those men who are educated and smart enough to recognize PMS for what it is – HELL FOR A WOMAN – and real, then I salute you!

Let’s get down to it, shall we?

PMS is real.  It is damn real.  It is so real that my family works hard at simply avoiding me all together for that 7 – 14 days during the month.  People are afraid to talk to me, to ask me questions, to look at me wrong.  It’s a serious situation.  Now, in a previous life I was medicated (God bless Prozac) and so my symptoms were not near as bad.  Throw in a little Xanax and I’m good to go.  But those days are long gone so it’s just me.  Me and my hormones and we aren’t friendly.  It’s not just the bitchiness either.  There is the bloating, the food cravings that us women find disturbing because it is this time of month when we feel the fattest and most unattractive, it’s the headaches (some get migraines – I do), and the need to be loved yet also being unapproachable at the same time…it’s a nightmare.  It’s the sadness, depression, anger and mood swings we can not control…and knowing we have no real control makes us even more sad, depressed, and angry and what do you know?  Here comes another mood swing!  It’s a vicious cycle, men. 

The truth of the matter is, this is not in our heads.  It is in our hormones.  They get all whacked out and trigger all of those symptoms  I mentioned, and for the record PMS can trigger approximately 150 different physical and psychological symptoms.  Luckily for women, after child-bearing years, this goes away but those 30-40 years of dealing with it can really take a toll on a person.  Think about that?  I started my period when I was 9 years old.  NINE!  I am now almost 44.  You do the math.  It’s a long damn time. 

What can we do about it?  Well, as I mentioned earlier, drugs help.  But not all of us have the means to get those so try natural remedies.  I’ve found that St. John’s Wart and Valerian Root work to get me through the hard times.   Exercise and rest and relaxation can also help with relieving some of the symptoms.  If you suffer from sleep deprivation during PMS, try taking melatonin.  Works wonders for a good night’s sleep. 

For more information, the resources on the web are endless but try choosing a reputable source.  I found Discovery Health website to be quite helpful and informative.

And for men, the ones who get it and the ones who choose to live in a state of denial, all you can really do is just accept it.  It’s here, it’s not going anywhere, and no matter what you do you’ll probably be wrong so just smile, nod, and walk away.  But not too fast because we might want a hug.  Of course, you’ll hug us and then we’ll get mad at you for it but that’s ok.  Just remember…this too shall pass and never doubt we love you, even when we don’t show it, because we do. 

I need to take a moment to apologize to Bret, my trucker.  He’s shown an abundance of patience and kindness this week that I simply did not know men possessed.  He has single-handedly restored my faith in men so thank you Bret…you are a really special guy.

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