Conversation with The Kid…

Last night, I cheated for dinner and went to McDonald’s.  By cheated I mean I didn’t feel up to cooking.  I hadn’t eaten all day and my kid needed dinner so fast food won.

Before I tell my story, I need to share some background information.  First, I consider myself a proud member of the Grammar Police and when people use a wrong word or misspell a word, I cringe.  If it were at all possible, I’d be handing out citations.  Second, have you seen those folks that stand on the side of the street holding signs that advertise various businesses?  In our neighborhood, we’ve got dudes dressed like the Statue of Liberty advertising for a tax office, as in a “we do your taxes” office, not the IRS.  Anyway, these dudes stand on the street – weather is not a factor – dancing to no music, waving these signs all over the place (dropping them often), and last night while wearing those fabulous costumes our statues were having a poodle fight.

Poodle = those long, cylindrical flotation devices people play with in pools that look like noodles.  The technical name for these things may not be poodles but I couldn’t come up with anything else to call them.

Our statues stand in front of McDonald’s on the other side of the road at a big intersection so I often get the pleasure of watching them while waiting for the light to change.

I go into McDonald’s, pull up to the drive-thru and it goes something like this:

McD’s Person:  “Hi, welcome to McDonald’s!  May I take your order?”

Me:  “Food, food, food…blah blah blah.”

McD’s Person:  “Ok, that’ll be X $s (total escapes me at the moment).  Please pull forward.”

Me:  “Ok, thanks!”  I start to pull forward and I hear…

McD’s Person:  “You welcome.”

ERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!  (That is my super cool macho brake sound)

Me:  “Did she just say YOU welcome?  It isn’t YOU welcome, it is YOU’RE welcome.”  And my kid goes…

Kid:  “OMG, please Mom, just please!  Shut up!”  She has on her face the most panicked look I’ve ever seen.

Me:  “What kind of person am I if I continue to let her go through life speaking incorrectly?”

Kid:  glares at me, no doubt thinking “you’d be the quiet kind that doesn’t embarrass the hell out of me in public” but instead, just quietly says “Please, just don’t.”

Now at some point, I did pull forward and I did keep my mouth shut (mostly) but when McDonald’s person handed me the receipt, I did say “Thank you’re!” and I actually felt my kid roll her eyes.

We get our food, we leave.  We’re at the traffic light waiting again, and this conversation goes something like this:

Kid:  “They look really silly playing with those poodles like that.”

Me:  “Can you imagine the ad for that job?”

Must be willing to look like a fool for little pay.  Must also be willing to wear an insanely bright green costume (probably glows in the dark) while listening to tunes in your head because we won’t be giving you a radio while you dance.  Should be willing to play with pool toys on dry land.

Kid:  “You forget Must not have any dignity.”

Me:  (laughed) “You can’t say that.  At least they are working an honest job.”

Kid:  “Mom!  Look at them!”

Me:  “You should probably be nice because you may find yourself working a job you don’t love one day.”

Kid:  (in a rather snotty voice) “I don’t think so.  People don’t have jobs they hate.”

Me:  “Lord girl, you have so much to learn about life.”

Light turns, we move on and a couple of minutes later we pull into our driveway.  I stop the car and go to get out…

Me:  “I need to get my purse.”

Kid:  (in a sort of bitchy voice) “Well, I can’t give it to you!  My hands are full!” (she’s holding the drinks)

Me:  “I didn’t ask you to give it to me!  OMG!  You should stop talking before I smack you in the mouth!”

Kid:  “Yea, come at me bro!”

Such a little smartass!!!

Hats off to the Liberty Tax Dancers for making my time  at the traffic light a lot more entertaining!  This is not a job I could do so I have mad respect  for them.  I found this video and chose it because this guy has great hair, seems to be a rocker dude and he did not drop the sign…not one time!  Impressive!  Not sure if Toby is local but he’s fun to watch!

Author: Lisa Summerlin

The Smoking Squirrel is my way of bringing happiness to the world. I firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine and sometimes we all need a negative-free zone. This is it. Enjoy!

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